So I sat down
a few weeks ago (because we don’t really
wait till December to reflect do we? I typically start mid-November right
before Thanksgiving) and realized that the end of another year is drawing
close. And as we all do around this time, I thought what I have to show for
this 2015? What can I say I accomplished this year? What battles were won?
Friendships were bond? Character was built? Or bad habits were killed? And I
must admit although 2015, as was all the forty years before it, for me at least,
had its good and bad, ups and downs, laughters and tears, struggles and preserves
(Ha! look at me trying to rhyme my all my
words) I can say another layer of life and love was uncovered.
Now unfortunately,
2015 was the year for “true loves first kiss” but I did learn to love ME a bit
deeper and Love God a bit stronger. So, that, I believe holds more merit. Ok…
that sounded like I wasn’t positive. Let’s say that again… Yes! That holds much
more merit! (Better, more believable).
So yes, 2015 had its challenges as do every year, month, day, hour, minute of
everyone’s life actually. Yet, although it has its own challenges, 2015 that
is, I must admit it wasn’t all bad. It’s not like I’m gonna miss 2015, I’m a
eyes forward kinda gal. But, it taught me to see what the 2016 character growth
should be. So for 2016 it’s all about “CONFIDENCE”!
= A feeling of trust (in
someone or something)
= Freedom from doubt; belief in yourself and your abilities
Aaaha! So, based on “Webster” if I’m trusting someone or something, in this analogy let’s just say God, and I “accept” the freedom from doubt and believe in myself and my given talents, what wouldn’t I be able to do or accomplish… (things that make you go hmmm!?!?!)
So as I took one more bite into the
turkey wing my dad had prepared so deliciously for Thanksgiving, thoughts of
confidence started flooding my mind. Area in life and love that I lacked said “confidence”. Opportunities I allowed to pass by due to a
lacking of “confidence”… Hmm, this is getting a bit depressing. Well, it’s not
like “confidence” was loitering on the side lines all along, I just wasn’t really
aware how closely it lingered. It was there for the grabbing all along. I
simply needed to reach out and take hold of it, learn how to embrace it and
take it with me where ever I go, just not on the sideline or in the backseat
any more. And it’s not like I’m not familiar with “confidence”. Like, I totally
would recognize confidence when I see it. In my early 20’s mehhn… confidence
and I were attached at the hip. No one could have convinced me that I couldn’t
rule the world. But somehow along the way we go separated. Confidence started
falling behind. When I took two steps it took one, when I took five steps it
took two… and before long confidence was in the distance, and honestly I didn’t
really notice how far behind she started falling. Sometimes between the fog and
the rain I couldn’t even see her anymore. You know, those were the times when
doubt and fear started hang around, when we all started hitting up the reality night
club and staying up all kinds of late hours talking and socializing then they
started spending the night and before long doubt and fear become my roommates.
Meahn… They were always late on rent too. Never cleaned up their mess, and
always leaving dishes in the sink, ugh!
So I guess confidence just stop
showing up all together. She got lost somewhere in the shuffle between life,
doubt, and fear. I have no clue what road side she’s stuck on but I intend to
find her again, and maybe by now she’s had enough rest and this time around she’ll
be the new 2.0version of said self. The journey begins! Along with a new year,
month, and day! Leh Go!
And I am certain that God, who began the good work within
you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ
Jesus returns. Philippians 1:6
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